How do we really know if we are "connected" to another being, human or non? Is it in the way they look at you, physical touch, simply being near you? Or is it something intuitively felt-- a mutual knowing?
At Driftwood Horse Rescue, our horses go through the Unbound Training program. The philosophy of the Unbound Method is rooted in connection. To us, that doesn't necessarily mean a physical connection like with a halter, lead rope, or bridle ( although it can!) and it doesn't even have to mean a horse’s general enthusiasm or attraction towards us humans.
Human's generally define connection as a positive act of relationship reassurance, something that indicates both parties admire and support one another. We learn from our horse teachers that connection can simply mean presence-- being in the moment with another being without trying to necessarily get something from them or change them. While receiving positive cues of affirmation can certainly feel good to us humans, we have to be cautious that we aren't defining connection by only them. When we broaden our definition of what connection can look like and how it can feel, we open ourselves up the greater possibilities within our relationships.
When we say connection in terms of human and horse working together, we mean that we're fully concentrating on the horse and everything that sphere of awareness takes in: the environment, the herd, the weather, his body language, mood and mental/emotional state. Us humans have to be fully aware of anything that might influence the horse to act or react in a certain way alongside the context of whatever we might be asking them to do. We are completely focused with 100% of our energetic attention on the horse and in return we expect the horse to return that focus in the same way.
From this place of total presence and full attention, tiny micro nuances can take place that may otherwise gone unnoticed. We have to remember that horses and humans communicate differently. To the human mind, something as small as an eye or ear turned in our direction can seem insignificant but could actually be a profound tether between you and your horse.
Connection is the basis of safety and mutual understanding
When we are unwaveringly present with a person, animal, or situation, we can become experts in the needs and nuances of that moment. The more attention we give something, the better we know it. The better we know it, the better care of it we can take.
How this plays out in the horse barn: An easy example of this is when walking our more submissive horse, Legolas past the more dominant Cante’s stall in the barn. Even though Legolas is worried about Cante, his human support, Camille, insists that he keep calm and focus entirely on her as they walk through the barn. If she didn’t, Legolas' repeated stress response would kick in out of habit, he'd focus on Cante first and react without thinking of Camille, potentially running her over to get by the thing that frightened him. Camille wants to instill this level of presence, connection, and focus in Legolas, so it becomes habit where any time he is with her, he is can trust that she is in full support of his process, building a sense of consistent safety, focus, and trust.
Why this is crucial before ever riding our horses:
With this idea of safety, trust, and consistency in mind, it is easy to translate why this concept of connection is so important to instill before ever getting on a horse’s back to ride them. If the horse is not focused on you, or looking to you as the leader so they can remain calm, they will easily be distracted or spooked by something external and react, instead of remaining calm and focusing on what you instruct them. When a human and horse are connected in this way of focusing so intently on each other, micro information on the ground, spoken through body language or energy, can translate immensely when in a saddle. When horse back riding, the thought to turn right might cause the slightest tightening of our left calf muscle or the slightest lean to the left with our weight. Maybe it is so subtle that the human mind would miss it if thinking about the grocery list or a conversation from earlier. The horse's sensitivity can pick up on that subtlety and turn right based off of a micro movement. Similarly, the slightest hesitation in stride or tightening of the neck muscles can tell us the horse is about to stop or is anxious about something.
This is a level of subtle communication packed full of information and it requires complete presence.
This kind of connection and focus is what causes that perfect riding feeling of “I thought it and he did it”.
How does this translate and impact our other non-horse relationships?
Humans are much more sensitive, intuitive, and sentient than we give ourselves credit for. We have surrounded ourselves with so much noise that it can be hard for us to pick up on the seemingly small details of information and data all around us. We are often moving so fast and defining success by how much we get done versus how much we truly experience. If we are really honest with ourselves, we know we can walk in a room and immediately feel the mood of our loved ones. We can tell if there is tension, anger, sadness, excitement just by being near someone. We have so many other ways of intuiting information through body language and the vibrational frequencies of emotions (after all emotions are simply "energy in motion"). How often do we find ourselves limited by language when asking for what we need from a friend or partner? Raise your hand if you've ever wanted your significant other to just know what you need without being told...
Our horse allies provide us with the perfect opportunity to practice this kind of presence and complete devotion. Imagine what kind of connection we would have in our human relationships if we took the time to slow down and really tune into the other person's needs and the messages between their words.
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