We’ve all been there…. Avoiding sticky conversations we know we have to have, shying away from tender subjects, getting defensive when someone brings up a topic we're trying our hardest to stuff way back in the closet we don't look at… These crunchy avoidances are more often than not, the things that needs our attention the most. It’s almost like the way physical pain operates in our bodies– it is there to alarm us that some part of our body needs care and consideration. The same goes for things, topics, conversations, and issues that emotionally “tag” us. They are calling for our awareness and recognition, for our attention to evolve and transform density. In my own life, sometimes even just touching an issue with a loved one puts just enough emphasis on the “wound” that it starts to change.
I think there is some intuitive place within us all that knows avoiding our own pain, fears, and densities don't make them "go away." We often have to unpack them, study them from lots of angles so we can become a student of what in our lives needs transformation.
We see this lesson daily when working with horses. When we are training horses anything can happen… Walking down the road, for example, and my horse might see, let's say, a big stick that snaps and spooks them (or in Lancelot's case --->... meeting a mechanical cow!). Our approach: instead of trying to avoid it, side step, or distract our horse from whatever it is that causes the reaction of fear, we instead practice recovering from the immediate fear response and then proceed to look at the stick (or situation) from every angle. We walk up to it, we smell it, we are with it fully, we maybe even touch it so they can see it is safe. As a human support system, we make sure we approach it directly, intentionally, and help us all become more comfortable with it before we move on. We continue to re-approach the things that feel scary with intention, willingness, and an open conversation until it feels more approachable.
Now of course simply approaching a scary thing doesn’t make it immediately less scary. This is similar to our own fears. Fears….we all have them: the things that keep us small, that keeps us from making certain choices or engaging in certain parts of life. We don’t always know our fears intimately. In fact, we often lock them in a closet or stuff them in our back pockets, only familiar with their fragrance but not knowing the details and intricacies of the fears fully. However, the more we engage with them, the more capacity we have to engage with them, the more comfortable we are being in the face of discomfort. Looking under the rock with a sense of curiosity helps us to see the truth within our fears. Is it current? Or is it a practiced reaction to something from long ago?
We work to give our herd autonomy and sovereignty. We hope they feel free to respond honestly, out of curiosity and willingness, versus only trained behaviors. Part of our training work is approaching discomfort calmly and with intentionality. We take the time to intimately explore the things that cause a reaction so that our horses can fully understand it, work through old patterns, and get current with who they are today. This helps them (and us) to truly evolve and transform.
So many potent lessons for us are infused in the relationship with the herd. When we feel pressure and actually move towards the pressure instead of away from it, we better understand the intricacies and dynamics of our relationships and our lives. We get the freedom to explore what is true and to really transform our patterns, fears, and avoidances.
We are curious how you relate to this topic? Comment below and let us know!
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